I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
