I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
