she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
only you would photoshop your dick
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
