whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
