I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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