Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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