She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
