cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
