I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
