im about as happy as oj after his trial
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have tasted many bathrooms
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
