how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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