3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
