my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
