At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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