I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
