Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
