I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
