I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
