In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
