totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize