Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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