yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
