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• (954): View more from Florida

  you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Swine flu is the new snow day.

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.

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• (807): View more from Ontario

  I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  1. Thanks. 2. No.

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• (585): View more from New York

  You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start

  (585): View more from New York

  Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?

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