my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
