do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
