He felt like a one man threesome
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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