she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
