I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
