I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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