farters have to be the big spoon...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
