I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
People with herpes should wear stickers.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
