Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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