Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize