too bad you live with your parents still
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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