saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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