you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
