can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
