Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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