Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
