apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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