Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize