I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
