i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
