I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
