I could have mohawked her pubes.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
