It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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