That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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