This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
