Duck Duck Cougar?
babies were throwing up all over the place
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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