Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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