I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
