my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
