I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
