Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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