i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You're a waste of cheezeits
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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