A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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