Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
