you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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