There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
