it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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