Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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