Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
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